Dear Future Me
… I can’t believe I just wrote that. Holy hell, how desperate must I be? I mean, seriously, what the actual fuck? I mean, you know who I am. Unless that jackass is reading this. In which case fuck off buddy! Just be glad I was following your dumbass instructions in the first place.
I’m frustrated, future me, in case you can’t tell. You know what day this is. Unless you got some sort of dementia or some shit like that. In which case, you have no idea what the hell happened to you. To me. To us. I’m not used to this whole bull.
If you are completely stupid, keep on reading. If future me knows all this stuff already then you can skip the next, I dunno, the next whatever. If you aren’t me, then back the fuck up, buddy!
Soooo we were caught in the park bathroom on the edge of town with Julie. Yea, Julie Stibbins from second grade who pulled our hair and made fun of our holey jeans. Remember? She was such an utter bitch back then even for a six year old. I guess that was why I fell for her. You know? She… she just infuriated me to no goddamn end. And she still does, in a sense. I mean, it’s only been half a week since we were caught in the bathroom with her. I still miss her knotty curls, the way her nose crinkles when she insulted me, the way her eyes glinted as she smiled…
Fuck, I miss her.
Well, you know how mom is. She is like, two conservatives locked together in a closet and they were forced to reproduce cause they thought that god had made them do it. So when she found out… yea, no more sexy times with Julie.
And that led to the fighting. And to the screaming. And that led me to taking the car and going down the highway at 90 and being caught by the cops. Aaand that’s what led to the therapist. That dumbass. He has no idea what it is to be me. He has no fucking clue what it means to be me and to be, well, hated by someone your supposed to trust and love and all that shit.
And I would say that dad was on my side. But noooooooo. He was the one who suggested the therapist for us. He was the one who suggested I move away for the summer so that when I come back for senior year both mom and I would have “cooled off”.
What a load of bull. Like I can cool off. What do people do to let off steam? Play games or run or some shit like that? I prefer Julie. Or… or… I don’t know. I need a smoke. AND THAT’S ANOTHER THING, THEY TOOK ALL MY SMOKES!!!!
It hurts not getting something to have in my mouth, if you know what I mean. Which, you do. You’re me after all. You know how it is.
Fuck this.
So, obviously we aren’t home for the summer. And obviously we ain’t back in that small town where aint nothing ever happens. We’re with our great great great great great grand uncle of something like that. When dad first told me I thought it would be fun. Uncle Maurice on the lake. He got a boat and space to move about. I could work on my tan. Or even see if Julie would visit for a day all sneaky like.
But NO!!!!! It had to be some old fart that I had no idea even existed! He lives soo far away from home. Far away enough that no one could possibly visit me. Which is good, I guess? It means that I don’t have to worry about my crazy ass mother visiting me in the middle of the night to cram some sort of goddamn home remedy down my throat to “fix” me.
I had to deal with that once, once!! I learned then to keep my door and window locked and the dresser in front of it. She’s a mad woman, I tell you. Which, I hope you still remember. I hope you still remember how much of a nut case she is, even if you don’t remember anything else. Don’t trust her, future me, whatever you do!
Alright, I got to tell you about this old ass guy I have to live with. He’s… oh god there’s no real way to explain how he looks right now. He’s literally nuttier than mom is. Believe me. Maybe future me has blocked this all out of my head in the future. I would certainly hope so. But listen to this. Share in my horror, future me.
He has no wifi. HE HAS NO FUCKING WIFI, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. And he lives practically in the middle of nowhere. I mean, the town is bigger than home, but like literally, he lives on the edge of town at the end of the street against this scary ass looking park. I mean, I love the park back home, it has provided me a lot of entertainment in recent months. But holy crap is this park scary. It’s like some haunted halloween shit on crack.
His street is literally the worst one ever. There’s old folks to all sides of me. It’s like this place is all like an old folks home or something like that. But, without the community swimming pool or the little old nannies which hand out those fresh cookies. Nope, this place has none of that. Some old fart literally yelled at me to get off his lawn. I wasn’t on his goddamn lawn! I was on the sidewalk!
I don’t like this place one bit. I feel like I have to walk literally forever if I need to get anywhere other than this dump of a place. The closest bus stop is like two miles away, and that’s at the edge of the street. It’s so far away!!!! Just in order to go somewhere else in this town!
I hope you blocked out this house too. Not only is there no wifi, but there is no actual way to have fun here. There’s dust everywhere. The kitchen has appliances older than me. There’s only one bathroom, and it looks like it hadn’t been cleaned since, I dunno, the 80’s? The room he got me staying at is legit at the top of this four story place. Legit, it’s an attic. I’m staying in the attic. On this creaky ass mattress and with only dustbunnies and spiders for company. Good thing I’m not afraid of spiders and creepy crawlies.
I guess that’s why I’m actually writing in this stupid ass diary. Not because that therapist wants me to, but because at least it’ll be something to do! And I have to write this in candlelight. There’s no lights up here. So it’s dark as fuck and I can hardly see half of the shit that's up here and I can only sit here on this mangy blanket and try not to sweat too much cause its soo hot up here and there’s no AC!!!
I think you can feel my pain now, future me. Do you remember how hard it was to walk down this street with our suitcase from the bus stop? Do you remember the all day bus ride here?
Do you remember how our “uncle” opened up the door? He looked at me like I was trash. Like I was trash. What the hell? He’s the one that looks like trash! I mean, he was wearing three different robes. I mean, literally, three different robes. Three different colored plaid robes. One was reddy-orange, one was like fresh grass, and one was as bluer than our eyes. I mean, yea, that’s pretty blue. We was wearing clashing orange and purple and yellow on his nightgown.
A nightgown. A fucking nightgown. And that was under three robes! What the hell is this guy, really? I mean, he let me in, but hardly looked at me once! He was muttering to himself and kinda weaved in and out as he spoke. Like, he weaved in his words and in his walk. Either this man is slobbering drunk at 4 in the afternoon or he is off his rocker.
I think both.
This is stupid. I don’t know why the hell I’m still doing this. I don’t know why I’m still writing. I don’t know any more. I can’t believe I’m here, doing this.
What I really need is a smoke. What I really need is to unwind. What I really need is to just scream. AAAAAAAAAAGHSDFOFDIOSHVNREHJHBJHSVKNLLKDVDJV!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m just so, so, soooooooo frustrated right now! This sucks! This whole thing sucks and I wish that my stupid ass mother hadn’t seen me in the park with Julie. I wish that I wasn’t here. I I I
I guess… no. I’m not putting that down. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from this weird ass old man who I’m supposedly related to. God! I can even hear him from the first floor, he snores that loud. Three floors and countless doors between us and I can still even hear him.
I think I’m going to leave tomorrow. I have enough cash on me to pay for a bus ride back. Future me, you know what’s what, right? Future me, you know what I need to do, right? Can’t you come and tell me what I need to do?
No?
…
I’m going to try and run tomorrow. I can make it. I can live with someone, anyone. Maybe uncle Maurice can let me stay for a bit. I don’t know.
I guess I’ll see you around future me? If I even want to keep on writing this stupid thing. At least it’s something to do, right? No fucking wifi here, unbelievable.
Maybe I’ll write again,
Robin
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